Conversation with myself

-Hey...what really matters most to me?
- hummmmm?....Ow, let me see...
Be healthy to help me achieve all other goals
Help others and leave my contribution to the world
To have quality of life
To have a husband with same ideas, objectives, that loves me, I love him and we are a support for each oter.
To well educate my children to the world and love them.
To give love to my mother and help her to be happy.
Lifelong learning.
But to be honest, I am on a phase of my life that I don't understand what is life for. Maybe it is because I realized that material things is achievable if you work hard. You can get whatever. However, these are things that don't last. So, why to have them? OK. Maybe to have a more confortable life and then I agree. But the core question remains: What I am doing here?
Of course I don't want to die.I want to live, for sure, but for what?
It is being maybe 2 years now that this question or this feeling is surrounding me. And I can't find the answers.
I talk to people, I read, I study, I travel...but it is difficult to find the answer.
- Because it is inside you.
- Ah, ok. You always say that. But where? How can I get there?
- silence)
- Family is important but we need to live our own lives. I don't know which one is more important!
- You! You are the most important thing! You. Your life. Now you sound like you worry about what others are thinking about you. Why you always think about others? Think about yourself cause you can't make everybody happy. So it is not easier and more pleasant to satisfy yourself?
Your anxiety is just because you fear to fail, and then comes the inner question: what others will think about me?
- OK, OK. I understand. So as you are here, answer me another question: I don't want to be selfish. So, considering what you told me, what to do so?
- I got it. But what I meant was believe in yourself. I didn't say forget others and live alone. I just said that the valuable answers must come from inside. And you can find all them there, in your heart.
- Ah! there you come again: follow your heart. Everybody says that to me. Why?
- Because feelings can guide you! You can not do something that gives you bad feelings! Only if you want to hurt yourself. But I am sure you don't.
- Hummmmmmm. How?
- Just feel. Feel. Feel. Feel. Do you know yourself?
- Quite much.
- Sure? Who are you? No hesitation, be quick!
- OK! Someone with a lot of energy and power to conquer the world and that can get anything I want with loyality, honesty and affectiveness to others. Inteligent, smart, strategicallly thinking and that like to help others, although I think I don't do help too much...
- Ah, don't worry. It will change soon.
- But why do I feel I can't help?
- Fear. But in fact you do believe in yourself. You know.
- I mean what about knowledge for my work...seems like there is still so many things to learn...
- Well, you will have a period of learning still. The begining is all the same. However, it is just a matter of being a open hearted, open minded person and you will learn quickly!
Hey, I gotta go! Nice you are getting better and listening more to me! Gosh! How I waited for this moment!! We will get together again to talk! By the way...I am always around!

August, 09th 2008